SPEECH BY FATHER OF THE BRIDE

At the church wedding service of his daughter Ju Ni to Keerthan

My wife, Nancy, is standing next to me, ready to wipe my tears with this handkerchief!

The number 7 is such a significant number to us. In the Bible, the first book of Genesis recorded God’s creative action in 7 days at the beginning of the world. The last book of Revelation predicted the culmination of world history in a series of 7 signs and events. Seven years ago, we had the wedding of our son Choon Sin with Natasha. Seven years before that, Choon Yu and Christina were united in holy matrimony. Another 7 years earlier, Nancy and I celebrated our 25th Silver Anniversary with the renewal of our marriage vows in this church. Then around 7 years before that, Juni walked down this aisle as a flower girl.

In the next 7 years we shall be celebrating our Golden Wedding Anniversary, God willing and if Nancy is willing! We hope all of you will join us then. We had been married for around 6 times 7 years ago. When our grand-daughter, Myra, saw our wedding photo, she recognised Nancy. “Grandma, you are the bride.” Then I asked her “Who is the man next to the bride?” She stared at the photo and then shook her head, “I don’t know!” It so happens that this year, I am 10 times 7 years old!

Keerthan’s forefathers came from Kerala in India. As early as 500 years BC, Jews had travelled to this place. The synagogue in Kochi is the oldest outside the Middle East. In AD 52, St Thomas, one of the disciples of Jesus Christ, came to Kerala and started many churches. There is a well-known song called Thomma Parvam (Song of Thomas). Many present-day churches use the ancient Syriac language (close to Aramaic) and can trace their origins to St Thomas. Kerala has the largest Christian population (19%) in India, other than the small tribal states in the north.

Our ancestors came from Fuzhou in China. Many became Christians and a number of them came to Sitiawan and Sibu, two towns which are predominantly Christian. The first Bishop of the Three-Self Church of China was a Fuzhou, Bishop Ting.

We all speak different languages. Keerthan’s mother tongue is Malayalam while Ju Ni’s is Hockchew. However, both cannot speak these languages. So they are both using English. Ju Ni studied in a Chinese school but has always been English-orientated. English is a peculiar language. One lady sent a phone text message saying “I’m dying!” Her husband was shocked and texted back “I shall miss you dearly.” She then replied “Don’t be silly. I’m just dying my hair!”

There is a good advice that when one is angry, one should count to 10, before blurting out any words which may be regretted later. However, one can count so fast that there is no time to cool down. The answer is to count in a new language like Tamil or Japanese! Another advice is never to go to bed angry. One man followed that advice, and did not sleep for the next three weeks!

Juni grew up in the church after being baptised at age of three. She took active role in the Sunday School, Youth Fellowship and the school Christian fellowship. She now plays the keyboard in the Peace Community Church in KL. There is no such thing as happily ever-after fairy tale in marriages. There is a well-known saying about the 7- year itch, when the couple (usually the man) begins to play around. The Chinese has the saying that after sleeping on 7 mats, affairs begin to happen. In the old days, straw mats were used for sleeping; each mat would last about a year.

Love tanks often get empty after the first few years because the close relationship involves physical, mental, emotional and spiritual harmony. During the courting days, both couple will make extra effort to please each other. After that the couple begins to find that they are often different people. According to Gary Chapman, in his best seller book “Five Love Languages”, there are five main ways in which a person shows his or her love and expects the partner to do the same. He calls them the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

Nancy’s first language of love is acts of service. Since our marriage, we have always employed a maid. But after 40 years, we decided not to have one. Our house is however cleaner than before! I do not like housework but I have to learn to speak her language by learning Housework 101, starting from disposing the garbage! When I perform surgery in the Operation Theatre, I would order my assistant to pass the swab, forceps or suture. Now I am the kitchen assistant when Nancy is cooking and I have to pass the garlic, salt and ketchup! My principal language of love is physical touch and Nancy has to learn this language too to please me.

Most of you know about the Ten Commandments from the Bible. I have however written the 10 Commandments for Marriage:
1) You shall have no other spouse before me
2) You shall not keep images of any other woman/man in the wallet, computer or hand-phone
3) You shall not call the name of your spouse in vain
4) Six days you shall work, but on the seventh day, you shall spend all the time with your spouse.
5) Honour your father-in-law and mother-in-law, that you shall live harmoniously in the home
6) You shall not hurt one another
7) You shall not commit adultery
8) You shall not steal from each other
9) You shall not lie to each other
10) You shall not covet your neighbour’s house, car and belongings, and especially your neighbour’s spouse
When Jesus commanded us to love our neighbour as ourselves, he never asked us to love our neighbour’s wife.

To my son-in-law, Keerthan, welcome to our family. He is called Keethu by his parents, Keet by his friends. If I shortened his name further, it would be Kee, the same name as mine! We are pleased that Ju Ni has made the right choice. You are well mannered, and gentle. Obviously these traits must be credited to your parents, Madhavan and Lalitha. We are confident you will care and protect our daughter. After 31 years, are passing the baton to you. She is now your queen but remember she is still my princess!