I conclude with a song “Thank Heaven for Little Girls” from the musical “Gigi”, written by Lerner and Lowe who also wrote “My Fair Lady.”
Thank heaven for little girls
for little girls get bigger every day!
Thank heaven for little girls
they grow up in the most delightful way!
Those little eyes so helpless and appealing
one day will flash and send you crashing thru the ceiling
Thank heaven for little girls
Thank heaven for them all, no matter where no matter who
for without them, what would little boys do?
Thank heaven... thank heaven...
Thank heaven for little girls!
Now my own version:
Thank heaven for Juni girl
You were a joy to behold everyday
Thank heaven for Juni girl
You’ve grown up, I now give you away
When I look at you, I have such mixed feelings
My eyes are red, my heart nearly touches the ceiling
Thank heaven for Juni girl
Thank heaven for all the days we’ve been through
Without you, what would your poor daddy do
Thank heaven... thank heaven
Thank heaven for Juni girl!
Saturday, 16 January 2016
MY PRINCESS
You are my princess, though I am not a king
You are the gift that heaven did bring
On that special Father’s Day in June of 84
From my own birth date, one day before
Everywhere we went, I carried you around
So well behaved, you hardly made a sound
You listened to my stories both new and old
We shared the hugs and many memories of gold
The years have flown so fast through school and U
No longer can I carry or dote on you
On this happy day, you are now a queen
You are still my princess, though married to your king
(poem read at the wedding service)
You are the gift that heaven did bring
On that special Father’s Day in June of 84
From my own birth date, one day before
Everywhere we went, I carried you around
So well behaved, you hardly made a sound
You listened to my stories both new and old
We shared the hugs and many memories of gold
The years have flown so fast through school and U
No longer can I carry or dote on you
On this happy day, you are now a queen
You are still my princess, though married to your king
(poem read at the wedding service)
SPEECH BY FATHER OF THE BRIDE AT THE WEDDING BANQUET
We welcome you all to our Chindian wedding. It is called Chindian rather than Indchi or Indo-Chin as we might be mistaken as Vietnamese from IndoChina.
There are about 50 million Chinese and 30 million Indians in the world wide diaspora. Most of them have done well and assimilated into the societies, yet maintaining their own culture and family values including work hard and the importance of education.
There are few Chindians in India or in China or even in UK, USA, and Australia. Only in Malaysia/Singapore, which lies between China and India, do we find significant numbers of Chindians. In Singapore, 16% of the marriages are interracial, usually between Indians and Chinese. Some of the well-known Chindians are Nicol David, Francesca Peter, Joseph Prince, Barnard Chandran and Edwin Thumboo. Hannah Yeoh married an Indian and Rev Fred David married a Chinese. Rev Christopher Tan looks more like an Indian but speaks Hokkien very well. Rev Robin Arumugam married a Chinese called Ruth and he has a sister also called Ruth, who married Rev Eddy Ong.
In mixed marriages, there is a better exchange of genes. Somehow the Chinese genes seem less dominant compared to European and Indian genes. Children of mixed parents tend to have less of Chinese features. Certainly their eyes are much bigger and their noses higher! A beautiful,but not so bright actress, proposed to philosopher and writer George Bernard Shaw (whose appearance was probably uglier than mine!) for marriage so that “ our children would have my beauty and your brains. To this, G.B. Shaw replied, “what happened if our children have my appearance and your brains!”
As far as Juni and Keerthan are concerned, both have brains and beauty. Keerthan obviously inherited them from his parents who are both university lecturers. However, Ju Ni may have brains from both of us but as far as her beauty is concerned, she only inherited it from her mother! With Nancy next to me, we are like Beauty and the Geek (but not the Beast). Anyway, the Miss Malaysia this year is also a Chindian.
When I was about to go for my studies in India, I was told that I would return with kopi susu children. That was all right with me as I was brought up in a kopitiam. Anyway I was in Bombay for five years without any success. At least now, my grandchildren will be capuccino or even latte.
Keerthan’s forefathers came from Kerala, a state well known for its high literacy rate of 96%. The women have full rights in education and careers. I am told that the women hold the money! Now I am not worried for Ju Ni, who is a banker as well. It is also the state from where the father of Tun Dr Mahathir originated.
My father came from Foochow, the region where the forefathers of Tun Dr Ling Liong Sik came from. Two Tuns and two doctors. Foochow names usually have nice sounds such as Ting, Ling, and Gong. If I were born in Sitiawan, my surname would have been Tiong!
Indians and Chinese have many old traditions. When the family members of Keerthan came as a delegation with Indian sweets and cakes to our home yesterday, I half expected them to come on an elephant! It is also an Indian custom for the bride’s family to give dowry to the groom. For the Chinese, it is customary for the groom’s family to give dowry to the bride. So we negotiated and decided that we can contra the dowries!
However, some traditions are good. This morning, we had the Tea ceremony where the newly married presented tea as a show of respect to the elders. We also have special terms for the various uncles and aunties. Keerthan’s family decided to follow this tradition as well. The various names of the uncles and aunties are even harder to pronounce. We, in turn, followed the Indian tradition of blessing the newly-wed by feeding them with a concoction of banana, milk and rock sugar, probably as a sign of fertility!
We had our daughter Juni nine years after our second son. This was not an accident but planned as we were not ready for another child after two boys. She was born on Fathers’ Day that year, just one day before my birthday. So we have been celebrating our birthdays together for the last 30 years. I personally delivered her but Nancy complained that I was a good doctor but a bad husband. I soon left her while proudly carrying my baby daughter.
Most people, when seeing a baby, would say “How cute” or “how pretty”. However most of my friends who saw Ju Ni as a baby would just say “sapchuk like father, exactly like the father!” No one said “baby holian, pretty!” As she grew up, she looked so much like her elder brother. Later as a teenager, she began to resemble her mother, 40 years ago! Now she has a beauty of her own. She was very close to me. She called papa before she called mama. She would kiss me every morning when I went to work even she was in the middle of her bath. She would listen to stories from me at bedtime.
Here is some advice for the newly-wed and to all married couples:
Do not look for Mr Right; be the Right.
Someone said he had found Miss Right until he realised that her first name was Always.
There are two ways to keep a marriage happy: when you are wrong admit it, but when you are right, shut up.
Your vows include that you should stay together for better or for worse. Some say that the groom could not do better, the bride could not do worse! It should not only be for better or worse but for good.
As both of you are bankers, remember that the bonds of marriage are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.
When the newly married kiss every morning, everyone knows why. (by the way brush your teeth before kissing in the morning). After 10 years of marriage and they still kiss every morning, everyone wonders why. If after 30 years, and they still do so, everyone wonders how!
Everyone knows that marriage is based on love but the love is more than feelings. When the New Testament was written, there were four Greek words to mean love.
Eros is the romantic, intimate, sexual love, associated with pleasurable feelings. That is when one falls in love. They say that love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener! Eros is important and sex is good. Sex is God’s idea but meant only between husband and wife.
Phileo is love among close friends, who have concern for one another. You would have heard of BFF, best friends forever. I am proud that some of my PFS schoolmates and Bombay University colleagues have kept the friendship even after 50 years. When I was unwell two years ago, so many friends showed their concern for me through emails, phone calls and prayers.
Storge is a word for love among family members. There is care and affection. We cannot choose our family. No matter what happened, we remain as parents and children, brothers and sisters.
However, the word most often used in the Bible for love is Agape, which is the unselfish, unconditional and sacrificial love. I shall love my wife whether she cooks well or not. Of course I hope she cooks well too! It is divine in origin as while we were still sinners, God loves (agape) us. As we get closer to God, we get closer to each other.
Thus complete love between husband and wife encompasses all these four aspects of love : romantic, fraternal, familial and unconditional. This verse from my poem to my wife would summarise these four facets of love.
Together lived through many married years
Even went through lots of joy and tears
As husband, lover, brother and best friend
Though Christ, our love will never end.
We now pass our daughter to Keerthan, a fine young man who is big enough to protect her, with big hands to carry her, and a big heart to love her. In the last few months, we could not sleep for many nights. Now we are confident that Juni will find a new home of love, we can rest easy and sleep well from tonight. We have not lost a daughter but we have gained another son!
There are about 50 million Chinese and 30 million Indians in the world wide diaspora. Most of them have done well and assimilated into the societies, yet maintaining their own culture and family values including work hard and the importance of education.
There are few Chindians in India or in China or even in UK, USA, and Australia. Only in Malaysia/Singapore, which lies between China and India, do we find significant numbers of Chindians. In Singapore, 16% of the marriages are interracial, usually between Indians and Chinese. Some of the well-known Chindians are Nicol David, Francesca Peter, Joseph Prince, Barnard Chandran and Edwin Thumboo. Hannah Yeoh married an Indian and Rev Fred David married a Chinese. Rev Christopher Tan looks more like an Indian but speaks Hokkien very well. Rev Robin Arumugam married a Chinese called Ruth and he has a sister also called Ruth, who married Rev Eddy Ong.
In mixed marriages, there is a better exchange of genes. Somehow the Chinese genes seem less dominant compared to European and Indian genes. Children of mixed parents tend to have less of Chinese features. Certainly their eyes are much bigger and their noses higher! A beautiful,but not so bright actress, proposed to philosopher and writer George Bernard Shaw (whose appearance was probably uglier than mine!) for marriage so that “ our children would have my beauty and your brains. To this, G.B. Shaw replied, “what happened if our children have my appearance and your brains!”
As far as Juni and Keerthan are concerned, both have brains and beauty. Keerthan obviously inherited them from his parents who are both university lecturers. However, Ju Ni may have brains from both of us but as far as her beauty is concerned, she only inherited it from her mother! With Nancy next to me, we are like Beauty and the Geek (but not the Beast). Anyway, the Miss Malaysia this year is also a Chindian.
When I was about to go for my studies in India, I was told that I would return with kopi susu children. That was all right with me as I was brought up in a kopitiam. Anyway I was in Bombay for five years without any success. At least now, my grandchildren will be capuccino or even latte.
Keerthan’s forefathers came from Kerala, a state well known for its high literacy rate of 96%. The women have full rights in education and careers. I am told that the women hold the money! Now I am not worried for Ju Ni, who is a banker as well. It is also the state from where the father of Tun Dr Mahathir originated.
My father came from Foochow, the region where the forefathers of Tun Dr Ling Liong Sik came from. Two Tuns and two doctors. Foochow names usually have nice sounds such as Ting, Ling, and Gong. If I were born in Sitiawan, my surname would have been Tiong!
Indians and Chinese have many old traditions. When the family members of Keerthan came as a delegation with Indian sweets and cakes to our home yesterday, I half expected them to come on an elephant! It is also an Indian custom for the bride’s family to give dowry to the groom. For the Chinese, it is customary for the groom’s family to give dowry to the bride. So we negotiated and decided that we can contra the dowries!
However, some traditions are good. This morning, we had the Tea ceremony where the newly married presented tea as a show of respect to the elders. We also have special terms for the various uncles and aunties. Keerthan’s family decided to follow this tradition as well. The various names of the uncles and aunties are even harder to pronounce. We, in turn, followed the Indian tradition of blessing the newly-wed by feeding them with a concoction of banana, milk and rock sugar, probably as a sign of fertility!
We had our daughter Juni nine years after our second son. This was not an accident but planned as we were not ready for another child after two boys. She was born on Fathers’ Day that year, just one day before my birthday. So we have been celebrating our birthdays together for the last 30 years. I personally delivered her but Nancy complained that I was a good doctor but a bad husband. I soon left her while proudly carrying my baby daughter.
Most people, when seeing a baby, would say “How cute” or “how pretty”. However most of my friends who saw Ju Ni as a baby would just say “sapchuk like father, exactly like the father!” No one said “baby holian, pretty!” As she grew up, she looked so much like her elder brother. Later as a teenager, she began to resemble her mother, 40 years ago! Now she has a beauty of her own. She was very close to me. She called papa before she called mama. She would kiss me every morning when I went to work even she was in the middle of her bath. She would listen to stories from me at bedtime.
Here is some advice for the newly-wed and to all married couples:
Do not look for Mr Right; be the Right.
Someone said he had found Miss Right until he realised that her first name was Always.
There are two ways to keep a marriage happy: when you are wrong admit it, but when you are right, shut up.
Your vows include that you should stay together for better or for worse. Some say that the groom could not do better, the bride could not do worse! It should not only be for better or worse but for good.
As both of you are bankers, remember that the bonds of marriage are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.
When the newly married kiss every morning, everyone knows why. (by the way brush your teeth before kissing in the morning). After 10 years of marriage and they still kiss every morning, everyone wonders why. If after 30 years, and they still do so, everyone wonders how!
Everyone knows that marriage is based on love but the love is more than feelings. When the New Testament was written, there were four Greek words to mean love.
Eros is the romantic, intimate, sexual love, associated with pleasurable feelings. That is when one falls in love. They say that love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener! Eros is important and sex is good. Sex is God’s idea but meant only between husband and wife.
Phileo is love among close friends, who have concern for one another. You would have heard of BFF, best friends forever. I am proud that some of my PFS schoolmates and Bombay University colleagues have kept the friendship even after 50 years. When I was unwell two years ago, so many friends showed their concern for me through emails, phone calls and prayers.
Storge is a word for love among family members. There is care and affection. We cannot choose our family. No matter what happened, we remain as parents and children, brothers and sisters.
However, the word most often used in the Bible for love is Agape, which is the unselfish, unconditional and sacrificial love. I shall love my wife whether she cooks well or not. Of course I hope she cooks well too! It is divine in origin as while we were still sinners, God loves (agape) us. As we get closer to God, we get closer to each other.
Thus complete love between husband and wife encompasses all these four aspects of love : romantic, fraternal, familial and unconditional. This verse from my poem to my wife would summarise these four facets of love.
Together lived through many married years
Even went through lots of joy and tears
As husband, lover, brother and best friend
Though Christ, our love will never end.
We now pass our daughter to Keerthan, a fine young man who is big enough to protect her, with big hands to carry her, and a big heart to love her. In the last few months, we could not sleep for many nights. Now we are confident that Juni will find a new home of love, we can rest easy and sleep well from tonight. We have not lost a daughter but we have gained another son!
SPEECH BY FATHER OF THE BRIDE
At the church wedding service of his daughter Ju Ni to Keerthan
My wife, Nancy, is standing next to me, ready to wipe my tears with this handkerchief!
The number 7 is such a significant number to us. In the Bible, the first book of Genesis recorded God’s creative action in 7 days at the beginning of the world. The last book of Revelation predicted the culmination of world history in a series of 7 signs and events. Seven years ago, we had the wedding of our son Choon Sin with Natasha. Seven years before that, Choon Yu and Christina were united in holy matrimony. Another 7 years earlier, Nancy and I celebrated our 25th Silver Anniversary with the renewal of our marriage vows in this church. Then around 7 years before that, Juni walked down this aisle as a flower girl.
In the next 7 years we shall be celebrating our Golden Wedding Anniversary, God willing and if Nancy is willing! We hope all of you will join us then. We had been married for around 6 times 7 years ago. When our grand-daughter, Myra, saw our wedding photo, she recognised Nancy. “Grandma, you are the bride.” Then I asked her “Who is the man next to the bride?” She stared at the photo and then shook her head, “I don’t know!” It so happens that this year, I am 10 times 7 years old!
Keerthan’s forefathers came from Kerala in India. As early as 500 years BC, Jews had travelled to this place. The synagogue in Kochi is the oldest outside the Middle East. In AD 52, St Thomas, one of the disciples of Jesus Christ, came to Kerala and started many churches. There is a well-known song called Thomma Parvam (Song of Thomas). Many present-day churches use the ancient Syriac language (close to Aramaic) and can trace their origins to St Thomas. Kerala has the largest Christian population (19%) in India, other than the small tribal states in the north.
Our ancestors came from Fuzhou in China. Many became Christians and a number of them came to Sitiawan and Sibu, two towns which are predominantly Christian. The first Bishop of the Three-Self Church of China was a Fuzhou, Bishop Ting.
We all speak different languages. Keerthan’s mother tongue is Malayalam while Ju Ni’s is Hockchew. However, both cannot speak these languages. So they are both using English. Ju Ni studied in a Chinese school but has always been English-orientated. English is a peculiar language. One lady sent a phone text message saying “I’m dying!” Her husband was shocked and texted back “I shall miss you dearly.” She then replied “Don’t be silly. I’m just dying my hair!”
There is a good advice that when one is angry, one should count to 10, before blurting out any words which may be regretted later. However, one can count so fast that there is no time to cool down. The answer is to count in a new language like Tamil or Japanese! Another advice is never to go to bed angry. One man followed that advice, and did not sleep for the next three weeks!
Juni grew up in the church after being baptised at age of three. She took active role in the Sunday School, Youth Fellowship and the school Christian fellowship. She now plays the keyboard in the Peace Community Church in KL. There is no such thing as happily ever-after fairy tale in marriages. There is a well-known saying about the 7- year itch, when the couple (usually the man) begins to play around. The Chinese has the saying that after sleeping on 7 mats, affairs begin to happen. In the old days, straw mats were used for sleeping; each mat would last about a year.
Love tanks often get empty after the first few years because the close relationship involves physical, mental, emotional and spiritual harmony. During the courting days, both couple will make extra effort to please each other. After that the couple begins to find that they are often different people. According to Gary Chapman, in his best seller book “Five Love Languages”, there are five main ways in which a person shows his or her love and expects the partner to do the same. He calls them the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
Nancy’s first language of love is acts of service. Since our marriage, we have always employed a maid. But after 40 years, we decided not to have one. Our house is however cleaner than before! I do not like housework but I have to learn to speak her language by learning Housework 101, starting from disposing the garbage! When I perform surgery in the Operation Theatre, I would order my assistant to pass the swab, forceps or suture. Now I am the kitchen assistant when Nancy is cooking and I have to pass the garlic, salt and ketchup! My principal language of love is physical touch and Nancy has to learn this language too to please me.
Most of you know about the Ten Commandments from the Bible. I have however written the 10 Commandments for Marriage:
1) You shall have no other spouse before me
2) You shall not keep images of any other woman/man in the wallet, computer or hand-phone
3) You shall not call the name of your spouse in vain
4) Six days you shall work, but on the seventh day, you shall spend all the time with your spouse.
5) Honour your father-in-law and mother-in-law, that you shall live harmoniously in the home
6) You shall not hurt one another
7) You shall not commit adultery
8) You shall not steal from each other
9) You shall not lie to each other
10) You shall not covet your neighbour’s house, car and belongings, and especially your neighbour’s spouse
When Jesus commanded us to love our neighbour as ourselves, he never asked us to love our neighbour’s wife.
To my son-in-law, Keerthan, welcome to our family. He is called Keethu by his parents, Keet by his friends. If I shortened his name further, it would be Kee, the same name as mine! We are pleased that Ju Ni has made the right choice. You are well mannered, and gentle. Obviously these traits must be credited to your parents, Madhavan and Lalitha. We are confident you will care and protect our daughter. After 31 years, are passing the baton to you. She is now your queen but remember she is still my princess!
Wedding Ju Ni with Keerthan
We began the New Year auspiciously by celebrating the wedding of our youngest child, and only daughter, Ju Ni with Keerthan on the 2nd January. After months of sleepless nights, the wedding celebrations went on without a hitch (except for the couple who got hitched!) Even the weather was cooperating. It was raining every day before and after the wedding, interspersed by two days of fine weather during the events. A number of our guests were suddenly sick (before, not after the wedding) but none of our family members were down. Some relatives and friends had travelled from as far as New York and London and there was commuting between Ipoh and KL. Thank s to God Almighty for His blessings!
The celebrations started with the “chow fun” Eve dinner (which happened to be on the 1st day of the year) at our home for relatives and close friends. Keerthan’s relatives came in a big delegation bearing traditional sweets and snacks to sweeten the home of the new couple. The nonya-style buffet dinner was consumed with gusto. We retired early to prepare ourselves for the big day. No wild bachelors’ night!
The bridal team had to wake up at 7am the following morning for their elaborate hair-do and make-up. The Holy Matrimony was held at our home church, St Peter’s, with about 200 relatives and friends gathered there to witness. The ceremony was conducted by Rev Fred David from Peace Community Church, KL where Ju Ni and Keerthan regularly worship. Rev Fred himself is married to a Chinese. The Registrar of the marriage was our Bishop, the Rt Rev Datuk Ng Moon Hing. The solemnity of the occasion was spiced with smiles as the couple exchanged vows and rings. The procession with the little pageboys and flower girls provided some laughter. Just as the ceremony ended with the newly-wed dancing out to the song of “Signed, Sealed and Delivered”, the hall went into darkness but for just a couple of minutes. The guests were then provided with a buffet lunch.
The families rushed back to our home (just 5 minutes away) for the traditional Tea Ceremony. The newly-wed paid their respects to the elders with longan tea, who in turn reciprocated with gifts and ang pows to welcome them as part of the family. The protocol of the family members in order of seniority was strictly followed. We had to use the appropriate salutations for the various uncles and aunties. Keerthan’s family decided to follow our tradition as well, with equally complicated terms. Then we followed the Indian tradition of the elders feeding the newly-wed with a concoction of banana (pisang emas), fresh milk and rock sugar, probably as a symbol of fertility!
We all then had a short rest, except for the ladies who had to prepare themselves for the banquet. The Wedding Banquet was held at the Kinta Riverfront Hotel Ball Room. Friends and relatives gathered at 630pm for the cocktail, some of whom have not met one another for years. The younger guests enjoyed themselves making “silly faces” at the photo booth. More than 550 guests enjoyed the 8-course Chinese dinner (no sharks fin!) while being entertained by the band. There was the usual yam seng toasting and the cake cutting. We are thankful to all our guests for their presence and their presents! Some have travelled from near and far just to celebrate with us.
The following Saturday, was the Banquet hosted by the groom’s parents at the Holiday Inn Glenmarie. It was preceded by a typical South Indian dinner at their home. We could barely recognise the bride and bridesmaids who were all dressed in traditional Indian sarees with appropriate make-up and jewellery.
On Tuesday, the newly-wed went off for their honeymoon in Goa, as the beginning of a new life together. May they enjoy many years of marital bliss together.
The celebrations started with the “chow fun” Eve dinner (which happened to be on the 1st day of the year) at our home for relatives and close friends. Keerthan’s relatives came in a big delegation bearing traditional sweets and snacks to sweeten the home of the new couple. The nonya-style buffet dinner was consumed with gusto. We retired early to prepare ourselves for the big day. No wild bachelors’ night!
The bridal team had to wake up at 7am the following morning for their elaborate hair-do and make-up. The Holy Matrimony was held at our home church, St Peter’s, with about 200 relatives and friends gathered there to witness. The ceremony was conducted by Rev Fred David from Peace Community Church, KL where Ju Ni and Keerthan regularly worship. Rev Fred himself is married to a Chinese. The Registrar of the marriage was our Bishop, the Rt Rev Datuk Ng Moon Hing. The solemnity of the occasion was spiced with smiles as the couple exchanged vows and rings. The procession with the little pageboys and flower girls provided some laughter. Just as the ceremony ended with the newly-wed dancing out to the song of “Signed, Sealed and Delivered”, the hall went into darkness but for just a couple of minutes. The guests were then provided with a buffet lunch.
The families rushed back to our home (just 5 minutes away) for the traditional Tea Ceremony. The newly-wed paid their respects to the elders with longan tea, who in turn reciprocated with gifts and ang pows to welcome them as part of the family. The protocol of the family members in order of seniority was strictly followed. We had to use the appropriate salutations for the various uncles and aunties. Keerthan’s family decided to follow our tradition as well, with equally complicated terms. Then we followed the Indian tradition of the elders feeding the newly-wed with a concoction of banana (pisang emas), fresh milk and rock sugar, probably as a symbol of fertility!
We all then had a short rest, except for the ladies who had to prepare themselves for the banquet. The Wedding Banquet was held at the Kinta Riverfront Hotel Ball Room. Friends and relatives gathered at 630pm for the cocktail, some of whom have not met one another for years. The younger guests enjoyed themselves making “silly faces” at the photo booth. More than 550 guests enjoyed the 8-course Chinese dinner (no sharks fin!) while being entertained by the band. There was the usual yam seng toasting and the cake cutting. We are thankful to all our guests for their presence and their presents! Some have travelled from near and far just to celebrate with us.
The following Saturday, was the Banquet hosted by the groom’s parents at the Holiday Inn Glenmarie. It was preceded by a typical South Indian dinner at their home. We could barely recognise the bride and bridesmaids who were all dressed in traditional Indian sarees with appropriate make-up and jewellery.
On Tuesday, the newly-wed went off for their honeymoon in Goa, as the beginning of a new life together. May they enjoy many years of marital bliss together.
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