We welcome you all to our Chindian wedding. It is called Chindian rather than Indchi or Indo-Chin as we might be mistaken as Vietnamese from IndoChina.
There are about 50 million Chinese and 30 million Indians in the world wide diaspora. Most of them have done well and assimilated into the societies, yet maintaining their own culture and family values including work hard and the importance of education.
There are few Chindians in India or in China or even in UK, USA, and Australia. Only in Malaysia/Singapore, which lies between China and India, do we find significant numbers of Chindians. In Singapore, 16% of the marriages are interracial, usually between Indians and Chinese. Some of the well-known Chindians are Nicol David, Francesca Peter, Joseph Prince, Barnard Chandran and Edwin Thumboo. Hannah Yeoh married an Indian and Rev Fred David married a Chinese. Rev Christopher Tan looks more like an Indian but speaks Hokkien very well. Rev Robin Arumugam married a Chinese called Ruth and he has a sister also called Ruth, who married Rev Eddy Ong.
In mixed marriages, there is a better exchange of genes. Somehow the Chinese genes seem less dominant compared to European and Indian genes. Children of mixed parents tend to have less of Chinese features. Certainly their eyes are much bigger and their noses higher! A beautiful,but not so bright actress, proposed to philosopher and writer George Bernard Shaw (whose appearance was probably uglier than mine!) for marriage so that “ our children would have my beauty and your brains. To this, G.B. Shaw replied, “what happened if our children have my appearance and your brains!”
As far as Juni and Keerthan are concerned, both have brains and beauty. Keerthan obviously inherited them from his parents who are both university lecturers. However, Ju Ni may have brains from both of us but as far as her beauty is concerned, she only inherited it from her mother! With Nancy next to me, we are like Beauty and the Geek (but not the Beast). Anyway, the Miss Malaysia this year is also a Chindian.
When I was about to go for my studies in India, I was told that I would return with kopi susu children. That was all right with me as I was brought up in a kopitiam. Anyway I was in Bombay for five years without any success. At least now, my grandchildren will be capuccino or even latte.
Keerthan’s forefathers came from Kerala, a state well known for its high literacy rate of 96%. The women have full rights in education and careers. I am told that the women hold the money! Now I am not worried for Ju Ni, who is a banker as well. It is also the state from where the father of Tun Dr Mahathir originated.
My father came from Foochow, the region where the forefathers of Tun Dr Ling Liong Sik came from. Two Tuns and two doctors. Foochow names usually have nice sounds such as Ting, Ling, and Gong. If I were born in Sitiawan, my surname would have been Tiong!
Indians and Chinese have many old traditions. When the family members of Keerthan came as a delegation with Indian sweets and cakes to our home yesterday, I half expected them to come on an elephant! It is also an Indian custom for the bride’s family to give dowry to the groom. For the Chinese, it is customary for the groom’s family to give dowry to the bride. So we negotiated and decided that we can contra the dowries!
However, some traditions are good. This morning, we had the Tea ceremony where the newly married presented tea as a show of respect to the elders. We also have special terms for the various uncles and aunties. Keerthan’s family decided to follow this tradition as well. The various names of the uncles and aunties are even harder to pronounce. We, in turn, followed the Indian tradition of blessing the newly-wed by feeding them with a concoction of banana, milk and rock sugar, probably as a sign of fertility!
We had our daughter Juni nine years after our second son. This was not an accident but planned as we were not ready for another child after two boys. She was born on Fathers’ Day that year, just one day before my birthday. So we have been celebrating our birthdays together for the last 30 years. I personally delivered her but Nancy complained that I was a good doctor but a bad husband. I soon left her while proudly carrying my baby daughter.
Most people, when seeing a baby, would say “How cute” or “how pretty”. However most of my friends who saw Ju Ni as a baby would just say “sapchuk like father, exactly like the father!” No one said “baby holian, pretty!” As she grew up, she looked so much like her elder brother. Later as a teenager, she began to resemble her mother, 40 years ago! Now she has a beauty of her own. She was very close to me. She called papa before she called mama. She would kiss me every morning when I went to work even she was in the middle of her bath. She would listen to stories from me at bedtime.
Here is some advice for the newly-wed and to all married couples:
Do not look for Mr Right; be the Right.
Someone said he had found Miss Right until he realised that her first name was Always.
There are two ways to keep a marriage happy: when you are wrong admit it, but when you are right, shut up.
Your vows include that you should stay together for better or for worse. Some say that the groom could not do better, the bride could not do worse! It should not only be for better or worse but for good.
As both of you are bankers, remember that the bonds of marriage are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.
When the newly married kiss every morning, everyone knows why. (by the way brush your teeth before kissing in the morning). After 10 years of marriage and they still kiss every morning, everyone wonders why. If after 30 years, and they still do so, everyone wonders how!
Everyone knows that marriage is based on love but the love is more than feelings. When the New Testament was written, there were four Greek words to mean love.
Eros is the romantic, intimate, sexual love, associated with pleasurable feelings. That is when one falls in love. They say that love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener! Eros is important and sex is good. Sex is God’s idea but meant only between husband and wife.
Phileo is love among close friends, who have concern for one another. You would have heard of BFF, best friends forever. I am proud that some of my PFS schoolmates and Bombay University colleagues have kept the friendship even after 50 years. When I was unwell two years ago, so many friends showed their concern for me through emails, phone calls and prayers.
Storge is a word for love among family members. There is care and affection. We cannot choose our family. No matter what happened, we remain as parents and children, brothers and sisters.
However, the word most often used in the Bible for love is Agape, which is the unselfish, unconditional and sacrificial love. I shall love my wife whether she cooks well or not. Of course I hope she cooks well too! It is divine in origin as while we were still sinners, God loves (agape) us. As we get closer to God, we get closer to each other.
Thus complete love between husband and wife encompasses all these four aspects of love : romantic, fraternal, familial and unconditional. This verse from my poem to my wife would summarise these four facets of love.
Together lived through many married years
Even went through lots of joy and tears
As husband, lover, brother and best friend
Though Christ, our love will never end.
We now pass our daughter to Keerthan, a fine young man who is big enough to protect her, with big hands to carry her, and a big heart to love her. In the last few months, we could not sleep for many nights. Now we are confident that Juni will find a new home of love, we can rest easy and sleep well from tonight. We have not lost a daughter but we have gained another son!
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